Marital makeover

If you’d asked me a year ago what the vital ingredients were to make a good marriage, I would have said love, trust, honesty, communication; all the usual stereotypes.

Now, while I would still say those things, I would also add sex and money. If those two things are going right, then I think everything else falls into place around them.

The reason I know this to be true is because our marriage a year ago was in a very different place to where it is now. A year ago I was still burying my head in the sand about our financial predicament; building a brick wall between myself and my husband to ensure our [my] predicament stayed my own. My stress levels were off the scale and I had to keep all my stress to myself, how could I explain why I was stressed if no one but myself was aware of the underlying cause?

Then something happened which could so nearly have unravelled us but in reality has been the best thing ever. Husband found out about our [my] predicament and understandably, and expectedly, hit the roof. At the time, I didn’t think he’d ever come down. At the time, I didn’t think he would even stay, but stay he did. It took a while but we got past it. We sat down and worked out a budget where we actually lived within our means [a novelty for us, believe me], we looked at ways to bring in more money and cut our spending.

I’m really proud of how we’ve worked together to turn it all around. Back in my darkest days I never imagined we could be where we are today. In the eight months since what I call ‘debt-awakening’ [the moment I woke up to having to deal with it] we’ve managed to sort ourselves so much that we’ve saved thousands of pounds - enough to pay off one of my loans just before Christmas. We’re now busily saving away to clear the other. I can’t wait for the day when we can say we have no debts to pay and all our money is our own.

One of the best things to come out of sorting ourselves out is the chance we now have to revolutionise our family life. A year ago our finances were so screwed up I could never imagine being able to afford a second baby; now we’re actively trying to make baby number 2. And most definitely a year ago I could never imagine being able to stay at home with that new little baby [whenever it may come along]; now we have plans for exactly that.

I can’t thank my husband enough for allowing me [us] to get past our mistakes and my silly frivolity. I’m loving that we’re now a proper partnership, who know where we stand and where we’re going. I'm loving that we've fallen back in love and turned back time.

So like I said at the beginning, everything else may be really important but if your money and your sex life are ok, everything else just falls into place.