Antithesis of romance

When I was a little girl I used to pronounce the first word in my post title as antee-thee-siss. For a couple of reading tests in a row I failed on that word alone, you’d have thought I would have gone home and asked my mum how to pronounce it but I never did, so I kept on failing.

So now it’s a word that sticks in my head: ant-ith-isiss, a thing that is the direct opposite of something else. And that’s exactly what my evening was last night, the opposite of romance.

I came home from work on a busy tube with delays, raced to the nursery, made it by the skin of my teeth, and drove home with Peanut [who was thankfully in a reasonable mood].

Husband and I exchanged cards, but I know we only bought them because we ‘should’. We don’t really believe in the commercial push behind the day, I guess that’s a twist of us both working in industries related to marketing. We know the base line of most things in life is to sell, sell, sell. And I guess we don’t believe you should be told to be romantic [even though as a girly girl I would love to be showered with gifts!].

Anyway, Peanut fell asleep immediately after I read her a short Snow White story so that was quite painless. Husband’s football team were playing an important European game so he had that on television and I set about cooking dinner.

Except I got distracted and burned the dinner, and it was only Carbonara! The simplest meal in the world was ruined - I tasted it and all I could taste was charcoal. I even burned the wooden spoon that was resting on the edge of the pan; it nearly burned through completely – whoops!

We ended up having different dinners. I had pasta with a ready-made sauce and husband had heated up mini chicken tikka fillets with microwave rice, both very bland. They didn’t even come together at the same time so I’d finished eating mine before his was ready. Hilarious really.

After dinner we watched football together but both fell asleep on our separate chair and sofa. We were in bed by 10, a consequence of it being Thursday and being worn out from the treadmill of our working week.

When we got into bed I tried my luck for making Baby Number 2 but sleep was deemed the priority. I guess a girl can’t expect it every day, not after 8 years, not even if there is a baby to be made!

Our evening was definitely the antithesis of romance. But hey, I’ll take a loving relationship all year round if it means skipping one evening when it’s ‘supposed’ to be all candlelight and roses. At least it makes a silly story.

My Valentine

I saw this Q and A on Latte Mommy the other day and she kindly said within her post, despite it being a meme, anyone could give it a go. In honour of it being Valentine's Day today I wanted to be all romantic and take a walk down memory lane. And a lovely walk it was. I also wanted to post during my working day [ssshhh, don't tell my boss!] so that I'm not glued to my Mac tonight at home!

1. Where/how did you meet your husband?

We met through work back in 2000. Our companies merged, and as part of the integration they took us all away for an overnight trip to ‘bond’. He was dressed up as David Beckham and I was Wednesday Adams [well, I had two plaits in my hair, a black shirt dress with the buttons open to the top of my legs and knee high boots, so I was more a naughty school girl!]. Let’s just say we bonded!

2. How long have you known each other?

We met in September 2000 so it’s coming up for eight years.

3. How long after you met did you start dating?

Instantly. The day after our ‘away day’ we returned home: him to his mum, me to my parents. He promised he’d call on the Sunday afternoon but half of me didn’t believe he would, though call he did. And from what I’ve heard, it seems he spent all day Saturday talking to his family about how ‘he’d met a girl’. Very sweet.

4. How long did you date before you were engaged?

Seven months. We got engaged midway up the Spanish Steps in Rome the following April. It was quite late at night after being out for dinner so we were alone [if you’ve ever been to Rome you’ll know what I mean, during the day would have been very different!].

5. How long was your engagement?

A year and a bit. We either wanted to get married in September or April [when we met and when we got engaged]. The first September was only a couple of months away and that felt too soon, the following April wasn’t going to work for someone who I wanted to travel from Australia so September the following year it was .

6. How long have you been married?

Six years in September.

7. What is your anniversary?

September 15th. Exactly two years to the day after we met.

8. How many people came to your wedding reception?

A little over 30. We wanted to keep it very small and only have our favourite people there.

9. What kind of cake did you serve?

We had a light fruit cake which was made from a hundred year old secret recipe. MIL’s cousin had her wedding cake made by the same people about 30 years earlier so it felt right. It was covered in simple ivory icing with real rose petals strewn around. It was yummy.

10. Where was your wedding?

We were married in a tiny hamlet in the Cotswolds, a really picturesque part of England. The ceremony took place at 4pm, and after Champagne and a few photos we sat down for dinner, speeches and then music. I think we were back in our suite by midnight.

11. What did you serve for the meal?

Our wedding was on a Sunday so our main course was a traditional roast beef dinner of the highest quality. It was mouth-wateringly delicious. We had a soup to start and apple tarte-tatin for dessert. I wanted it to be really simple and wholesome, as I love traditional English food, and this was a lovely way to serve the best of it.

12. How many people were in your bridal party?

Only one, my best friend from back in Australia.

13. Are you still friends with them all?

Yes but I’m rubbish at keeping in touch and owe her an email.

14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony?

Neither of us did, though I nearly cried and wanted to throw up just before walking in. During the ceremony I gripped his hand for dear life and then as soon as it was over I felt like I could breathe again. Nothing like a room full of people staring at you to make you nervous!

15. Most special moment of your wedding day?

I think after signing the register, and heading out into the sunshine for photos, I started to relax and enjoy the day. The most special moment for me was the amazing release; and the realisation that after months of planning and anxiety we could finally relax, enjoy ourselves and feel amazingly close and bonded by our vows.

16. Any funny moments?

Our photographer wasn’t your standard wedding type, he was more used to shooting celebrities and advertisements, but he did a great job of adding a fun spirit to it all. When he appeared out of a window at the very old stately home [now hotel] to take an elevated group shot was very funny, and took the edge off the formalities.

17. Any big disasters?

Not that I can remember. Even my MIL and FIL tolerated each other for the day and they were our biggest worry in the build up.

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon?

Jimbaran Bay, Bali. Heaven.

19. How long were you gone?

Two and a half glorious weeks. For the first few days of our honeymoon we were still walking around with a nip to our pace - we referred to it as our London walk. By the end of our time on the island we had definitely wound down and slowed to the Bali pace of life. Why can’t every day be a Bali day?

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change?

Probably my hair.

In retrospect I think I would have worn it loose and softly waved instead of poker straight. I think I would have also kept it really long and not listened to my dressmaker who told me to lop inches off it so that it didn’t go below the top of my corset. Nothing major though, just something I see when I look at my photos, but I also see how healthy, happy and relaxed I look.

I also think I should have worn a veil.

Slight sore point also hangs over my hair as I also rejected a diamante headpiece my SIL hand-crafted for me. Though I don’t regret choosing not to wear it.

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

The right when you’re in it, the left when you look at it.

22. What size is your bed?

King, but I think we need a bigger duvet.

23. Greatest strength as a couple?

As we vowed we would, we ‘share all things’.

We also both strongly believe in not quitting and not being part of the throw-away society we now live in.

He knows me better than anyone else and together, with Peanut, we’re a family.

24. Greatest challenge as a couple?

Definitely my debt-awakening last year. Sleep deprivation after Peanut was quite tough as I think it led to us being slightly finger pointing about who was pulling their weight. Also, my husband’s knack of going from 0 to 100mph in 5 seconds; he can blow up without waiting to listen to rationale so you end up pussy footing around his fuse a bit. That and he’s a bit glass half empty sometimes so you have to pump him up. I’m no walk in the park either, when I want something I want it now and I also want things just right. He thinks I mumble and use the Mac too much. But hey, we all have our niggles.

25. Who literally pays the bills?

Me. Husband knows what’s going on and can check our bank account at any time, but he leaves the admin to me.

26. What is your song?

Madness: ‘It Must Be Love’. They are his favourite band so it resurfaces quite a lot for us.

27. What did you dance your first dance to?

While we didn’t have dancing at our wedding, we did at our post-honeymoon party. We danced to ‘It Must Be Love’ on that occasion.

28. Describe your wedding dress.

It was hand made by a designer in London called Annette Carey. It was her ‘Grace’ design and it was lovely. It was ever so slightly ivory, slim-off-the-hip with a reasonably long train. The skirt was taffeta and then had a layer of silk georgette over it. The corset was ruched and was again taffeta overlaid with georgette. It’s really hard to describe but it was beautiful. There’s a pic on Annette’s website which may do more justice than my words are able.

It made me feel like a princess, and with my 4 inch Jimmy Choo’s I glided around with my shoulders back and a beaming smile on my face all day.

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding?

White and palest pink roses. Minimal foliage of only pale green Eucalyptus leaves in honour of my Aussie past. My small, hand-tied bouquet was beautiful. The next day my mum placed it on her mum’s grave so that she became a part of our day.

30. Are your wedding bands engraved?

Yes. I have his name and he has mine, and we both have our wedding date [just so he can’t forget!].

Peanut-isms

I didn't make it home from work today until it was past Peanut's bedtime so in her honour, and because it will make me smile, here are some of the funny things she says or the funny ways she says them.

If I tell her off and she doesn't like it, she says:

You sad me now.

When she wants me to recount the details of her day in a third-person bedtime story [always starts 'One day there was a little girl called Peanut...'], she says:

Tell me little girl.

Her wish list for 4th birthday presents:

A piano, a trumpet and a remote control.

Cute mispronunciations:

Banklet instead of blanklet
Chimley instead of chimney
Moosic instead of music
Flies instead of lies

She has a habit of adding extra bits to words she's trying to say, I have no idea why as she can't read and can only be learning from what she hears [which is not what she says!], here's just a few:

catch-ed me instead of caught me
hurt-ed me instead of hurt me
got-ed me instead of got me
fetch-ed me instead of fetched me

I know these things don't mean anything to anyone else but Peanut is the centre of my world and I love her more than she’ll ever know. So instead of wallowing in my inability to get home in time, I'm instead celebrating her loveliness.

And as much as I want her to sleep in tomorrow, I also can't wait for her to wake up.

Marital makeover

If you’d asked me a year ago what the vital ingredients were to make a good marriage, I would have said love, trust, honesty, communication; all the usual stereotypes.

Now, while I would still say those things, I would also add sex and money. If those two things are going right, then I think everything else falls into place around them.

The reason I know this to be true is because our marriage a year ago was in a very different place to where it is now. A year ago I was still burying my head in the sand about our financial predicament; building a brick wall between myself and my husband to ensure our [my] predicament stayed my own. My stress levels were off the scale and I had to keep all my stress to myself, how could I explain why I was stressed if no one but myself was aware of the underlying cause?

Then something happened which could so nearly have unravelled us but in reality has been the best thing ever. Husband found out about our [my] predicament and understandably, and expectedly, hit the roof. At the time, I didn’t think he’d ever come down. At the time, I didn’t think he would even stay, but stay he did. It took a while but we got past it. We sat down and worked out a budget where we actually lived within our means [a novelty for us, believe me], we looked at ways to bring in more money and cut our spending.

I’m really proud of how we’ve worked together to turn it all around. Back in my darkest days I never imagined we could be where we are today. In the eight months since what I call ‘debt-awakening’ [the moment I woke up to having to deal with it] we’ve managed to sort ourselves so much that we’ve saved thousands of pounds - enough to pay off one of my loans just before Christmas. We’re now busily saving away to clear the other. I can’t wait for the day when we can say we have no debts to pay and all our money is our own.

One of the best things to come out of sorting ourselves out is the chance we now have to revolutionise our family life. A year ago our finances were so screwed up I could never imagine being able to afford a second baby; now we’re actively trying to make baby number 2. And most definitely a year ago I could never imagine being able to stay at home with that new little baby [whenever it may come along]; now we have plans for exactly that.

I can’t thank my husband enough for allowing me [us] to get past our mistakes and my silly frivolity. I’m loving that we’re now a proper partnership, who know where we stand and where we’re going. I'm loving that we've fallen back in love and turned back time.

So like I said at the beginning, everything else may be really important but if your money and your sex life are ok, everything else just falls into place.

An apology

To my husband. For being grumpy, melancholy, insular, quiet, demanding, easily displeased, nit-picky, over-emotional, un-emotional, disinterested, self-absorbed. For being all those things over the last few days, I’m sorry.

Sometimes it’s hard to hide how I feel, hard to brush over it and be chipper. Sometimes I don’t want to brush over it. Sometimes I want to wallow in it and for you to notice my wallowing and do something fabulous to make me feel better. If left to my own devices I’ll continue to wallow, refusing to get back on the saddle and carry on.

I know I set my baby-making expectations too high and I want the perfect future now. I know I hate going to work because I want to be home with Peanut. I know I hate going to work even more because it’s causing actual physical pain. I know none of this is your fault and none of it you can fix either. Just let me wallow sometimes. Other times, just make me a cup of tea and give me a hug. Knowing you’re not frowning at me, that you’re on the rollercoaster with me, will be enough to make it all slip slide away.

I love you.

p.s. big HUGE congratulations on your team kicking ass the other night. Dinner and beer will be served this evening, I’ll even be washed with brand new hair just to dazzle you.